A Good Day

A mantle of snow covered the landscape along I-90 on our trip to Rochester, MN Sunday afternoon, bringing to mind a quote from George Herbert that "Every mile is two in winter".  Along with that came thoughts of how this is our fourth season in which we have seen the Mayo Clinic.  The seasonal cycle is complete and how fitting that on this trip we see how successful the cancer treatment for Sam has been.  The journey has been long and arduous and is something that no one can really appreciate except the patient.

Our first appointment was Monday morning at 6:45 a.m. for the PET scan which took around three hours.  By our appointment with the Radiology Oncologist at 1:00 p.m. the scan was online and reviewed by them.  The results were good, there were no Christmas tree lights on this one.  On we went to the next appointments, ending the day with Dr. Eric Moore, Sam's surgeon.  As far as we are concerned Dr. Moore is a rock star.  When we were given little hope from the medical community in Chicago, it was a much different story at Mayo. (For greater detail, please read previous posts from spring of 2010).

Dr. Moore always takes his time with us and makes sure if we have any questions or concerns they are addressed before we leave.  We went down memory lane,  to May and how he had discussed curing Sam's cancer.   He went on to say that he believed this should also be viewed as a "turning point" in Sam's life.  At his pre-cancer weight and life style he was headed for a stroke and heart disease.  Now he has the opportunity to continue the 90+ lb. weight loss and start an exercise regimen that will extend his life.  He isn't concerned with just the cancer, but the over all well being of the patient.  Folks, you just don't see that much in the medical industry anymore.  The Mayo Clinic is the "Gold Standard" of health care

Then I wanted to ask 'THE" question.  I did it rather clumsily, but Dr. Moore knew what I was trying to get at.  Is Sam considered cancer free, is he cured?  What does today mean?

As he was washing his hands, he pointed out that while the cancer can return anytime, it usually happens within the first three years after treatment.  But something not many people realize is that 90% of  recurrences happen within six months of ending treatment.  So he would see us again in April and four times a year after that for five years.  Then they would say goodbye to us.

"So back to my question Dr. Moore, what does today mean?"  He looked at me, drying his hands  and answered, " It means today is a good day."

Transitions

As the year 2010 winds down to its last days, I can't help feeling I am staring at a double barreled shotgun wondering which trigger will be pulled.  That my friends is how I feel about 2011.  Time was, I looked forward to the New Year with great anticipation, wondering what new adventures awaited me.  What would this new year bring?  For a lot of years things went pretty smoothly.  Then someone moved my cheese if you know what I mean.

Taken from my comfort zone, I tried to adapt to living 2400 miles away from everything that meant anything to me (save for my husband).  During the last six years we have been given a number of hurdles, some of our own making, others not so much.  This past year has been exceptionally trying.  We moved closer to Michigan with a job relocation, I had a "mini stroke", I celebrated my 60th birthday, Sam was diagnosed with head and neck cancer..Sam spent the whole summer in Rochester, MN for treatments and so on and so forth,as my Dad would always say when trying to make a point.

This probably comes off sounding bitter to some, but I am not.  There are lessons to be learned from this and we learned them very well.  Sounds like a song doesn't it?  "Red Rubber Ball" actually.  But I digress.  My problem is that I wished I had listened more to my inner self than trying to prove that I could be a woman of the world.  Oh yeah, move? People do it everyday.  I can do it.  Never mind if I want to or not.  Not thinking things through has always been my downfall.  I never want to disappoint anyone  by telling them no.  I had five long years to think about that one.

Recently one of my dearest friends lost her first born Grandchild in a car accident.  She is shattered as is the rest of the family.  There is something about your first born grandchild and the bond that forms between you.  I can't explain it, but it is there, especially Grandma and Grandson.  This horrible tragedy  just days before Christmas spoke to me in a way that little else does anymore.  Something or someone whispered in my ear to relax and be at peace with everything and everyone around me.  Don't try to be in control of the entire universe.  I wish I did have some magic power where I could bring Christopher back to Deb and the Family, but I don't.  All I can do is grieve with them and appreciate what I have been given for as long as God sees fit.

Sam and I were discussing how our Christmas's had changed over the years.  Ever since the Grandkids came along we have always wanted to be with them when they woke up Christmas Morning and see them open their gifts.  It was easier to do when they were younger and we lived closer.  This year I didn't feel like I had to break the bank and buy out the stores, so I set an amount and Addie got one present and Max got two for the money alloted.  We arrived at their house after they had opened all their gifts and they loved our presents.  It felt good not to be tied to traditions that don't make sense anymore.  Instead of seeing change as endings, we chose to look at them as  transitions.  Our lives are transitioning.  We pass the mantel to others.  Our Son now hosts the Christmas Celebration, we focus on the meal rather than gifts.  We bask in the warmth of Family and Friends and live in the now.

After Christmas dinner, my Brother and Sister-in-law took Mom home so Sam and I could stick around a little longer with my Son and family.  What did we do?  Nothing, just sat and enjoyed watching them be a family.  Max and his Dad installing a new motherboard in his computer, Addie sketching in her Project Runway book,  just being with them felt like a gift.  We left there feeling very happy and blessed.

 I am still very leery about what is in store for 2011, but I can't stop it, I can only enjoy what is going on right now.  I must live next year one day at a time.  Happy New Year everyone!

Who's In Charge Anyway?

Last night while channel surfing, I came across a familiar, yet not quite right picture on the screen. In front of the White House Press Conference sign stood former President, Bill Clinton, trying to explain why he thought the deal worked out by President Obama and the Republicans was the best solution for everyone right now. On one hand this shows that President Obama is willing to bring in whomever it might take to convince the Democratic Congress that this is the best they are going to get. On the other hand, it is a rotten shame that the President could not accomplish this himself. Instead of coming out and telling us "Look, this is killing me, but I am trying to fight everything that I stand for, to inch to the center and find some common ground with my opponents, to keep some semblance of control.", he does it with symbolism, by bringing in the Democratic President that went to the center after a "shellacking" he took in mid-term elections, and left office with a surplus budget. Then to top it off leaves Clinton by himself so he can attend a Christmas Party! Talk about subliminal messages. How's that for distancing yourself?   "Listen to him people."

Clinton is loving this, all of a sudden his claim to fame won't be the guy who couldn't keep it in his pants, it will be the guy who brought the country together and saved the Presidency of Barack Obama..

Kudos to the President for reaching across the aisle in an attempt to hammer out a deal with the GOP in extending the current tax rates that are set to expire on January 1st. Shame on the Republicans for holding the country hostage for not getting exactly what they wanted. A pox on the Democrats for not showing a united front with their leader at a time when he needed it most. This whole thing makes my hair hurt.What does it say when a President has to fight his own party to keep the economy going? To me it says that everyone in Washington D.C. is out of touch with what is going on everywhere in the country.

I voted for the President, thinking he was a Centrist, only to find that he was the same if not worse than the politicians that preceded him.  Had I known anything about Chicago politics prior to election day, I would have thought twice.  He is captive to the big money that put him in office, just as the House and Senate leaders are.  He is coming off as being weak.

While I admire a President who is a family man, he is the leader of the free world and should not let his wife dictate his presence at a Christmas party when the country is in such dire straits.

Smiles

During this Thanksgiving season, out thoughts go to counting the many blessings of the past year.  Our family has been the recipient of many.  Yet there are so many families suffering this holiday season, losing their jobs and homes, it is difficult to enjoy.

So what I try to do is look for little things that make me smile.  It is hard to find here in the Chicago area.  People barely look at you in the grocery stores or malls.  Starbucks, which is a sure fire smile factory in the Pacific Northwest, is a real buzz kill here.  Seems no one has time to be civil, if they don't know you.  My dog Waylon Jennings can get people to smile, because he looks like he is smiling all the time, so we go for a lot walks.

Thinking back it is easy for me to remember smiles.  Rocking out in the car with Max and Addie to the song "Dynamite"
 "

" Put your hands in the air, put your hands in the air!  Addie commenting on my Chris Botti CD with "really, Grandma?!"  When Max was three years old, pulling out of our driveway giving me the thumbs up and saying "thumbs up Grandma!"  Two year old Addie wandering around our yard with Waylon in tow saying,"Come on Waylon, we've got work to do!"  Friends that pop back into our life after thirty odd years.  If we just take time to pay attention to the little things that make us smile, it helps us appreciate the richness in our lives.

I am truly rich in what really matters.

The Not So Incredible Shrinking Woman Joins The YMCA

Okay, it's time to kick this exercise stuff into high gear.  The holidays are coming and I would like to get down another size by Christmas.  Sounds impressive and intentional doesn't it?  As usual  with me that is not the case.  A couple of weeks ago my Husband was researching health clubs and decided to join the Y.  When he signed up, he got a family membership.  I told him that I probably would not use it as I run on the treadmill upstairs and didn't want to spend the extra money.  Then I started reading the program guide and found an aerobics class that had dance, toning and stretching that was free to members.  So I called the Y and signed up for the M/W/F class at 9:10 a.m.- 10:10 a.m..  Sunday I ventured out to do a dry run on finding the place, (super easy), signed the waiver and got my photo I.D.  So I was now a card carrying member of the Buehler YMCA.  I ask for directions on where the class is and am told to zig zag around the hallways until just before I get to the basketball courts, on the right behind the glass door is the studio for the class.  Easy enough I say and go home feeling like I have covered all my bases so as not to look like a newbie when I get there on Monday.

Monday comes and I am a bit apprehensive, but I have covered all the bases and tell myself to relax, there will be other people starting the classes. I continue to be amazed at how many people take advantage of the facility.  The parking lot is packed at 9:00 in the morning.  I find a spot to park, take a deep breath and head for the building.  I check in, they ask me if I know where I am going and I say I think so, the gal at the desk goes over the directions one more time and I hurry off.

As I wend my way through the maze of hallways, the place is buzzing with activity.  How great, I think to myself.  I enter the studio where the class is held and notice that everyone has two mats on the floor criss-crossed with their shoes off.  Okay, I introduce myself to the instructor Terry and mention I am new to the class.  She welcomes me and I get a couple of mats and find a place in front to set up.  When class starts we start with a warm up (pretty standard), the music is very soothing, I don't seem to have a problem.  But I notice she is mentioning  positions like the downward dog.  Oh oh me thinks something is amiss.  Oh God, could I be in the wrong class?  Shit.  Why does this always happen to me?  So...as nonchalantly as possible I approach Terry and matter-of-factly ask if this is the F.I.T. class and she responds that no, that is down at the very end of the hallway.  Okay, how to sneak out without drawing too much attention to my dumb ass? Well that's not going to happen, so I roll up the mats and get the hell out of there, running down to my class that has already started.

My heart sinks as I approach the group and they are in full aerobic swing.  It strikes me as being very comedic.  I feel like Carol Burnett or Lucille Ball, trying to act like I know what I am doing and always being one or two steps behind.  Doing double taps, grapevines and shuffles to the loud music.  I should've stayed in the yoga class I think to myself, at least I could keep up with them.  All of a sudden I feel very old and awkward.  Not mention it brings back all sorts of  memories of the early 80's and leg warmers and spandex.  Jesus, I'm tired already.  When we finish the aerobic portion of the class, everyone walks over to pick up their mats and weights, except for me because I didn't have any.  A lovely lady, thankfully about my age, comes over to me and introduces herself as Judy, one of the instructors in the class, and she goes with me to pick up a mat and some weights.  I thank her and she mentions that she noticed I was doing pretty well on the routine, to  which I just about choked, mainly because I couldn't breathe and my throat was parched.  No need for water now, I was just about dead.

We got through the crunches and the pli'es  with weights and I'm thinking if I can get through to December 18th I may not look too bad.  But as I am writing this my knees are beginning to ache. ( Nothing a couple of extra strength Tylenol won't fix.)  It is going to be long six weeks.  But you can bet your sweet bippy that next class, I will have my mat, my weights, a water bottle, and show up at the right room just like I'd been doing this forever.

Let's Hear It For The Girls

The other day I was reading a Time Magazine article regarding women in the priesthood.  That's right, women in the priesthood, in the Catholic Church.  Okay, so according to the Vatican they aren't priests in the "Church", okay they aren't even in the church because they have been excommunicated.  But who knew?

So I visited their website and found there are 50 ordained Womenpriests and 5 women bishops in the U.S. and Canada.  They were ordained by a European Bishop whose identity remains guarded by all he ordained.  The women received training and guidance from priests.  But after they were ordained, they were not welcome in their churches and told they could attend Mass, but not wear their collar.  The womenpriests understand this as the priests would be excommunicated if it came out they were complacent in this matter.So far there are 3 in the Chicago area and the push is on for more everywhere.

Of course we would not hear anything about this from our Mother Church,  The Vatican  put the ordaining of female priests on the same level as pedophilia,a grave crime or "graviora delicta".  Really?  Who says women do not receive the priestly call from God?  And if they do they cannot follow the call because the males in the Vatican have determined that the Lord did not have female disciples, according to the Bible, which by the way was edited my men and did not include all the information that was discovered.  So how does anyone know God's intent?  This is the problem I have with organized religion.  Most of it is well intended, but still, come on man.

I believe that the ordination of women is something that the Catholic Church can no longer ignore or categorize as a sin or crime.  So I encourage my readers, especially those of the Catholic persuasion to gather as much information as possible on this subject and perhaps take a stand.  The church is in desperate need of priests and women should be allowed into the priesthood.

The Autumn Of My Life

I love the Fall season.  Leaves crackling underfoot, the familiar smell of autumn in the air.  Even during a warm spell, there is a something in the air reminding you that this is only temporary.  This is my first fall in the Midwest in 5 years, having been trapped in the Pacific Northwest with no seasons.  The climate is very temperate and that in itself is nice.  But because of our proximity to the ocean and the mountains, it is very rainy and gloomy most of the year.  You can count on some nice weather between 4th of July and Labor Day.

But I digress.  Today I find myself sitting on a park bench outside Rochester Methodist Hospital, in the Mayo complex, with my Corgi dog Waylon.  It is a glorious day to be alive.  The lunchtime aromas are wafting through the air.  It is an October-fest type atmosphere.  All of a sudden I realize that 28 years ago this very day, Sam proposed to me.  Neither of us knew then we would be challenged by so many health issues later in our lives.

Just as there are seasons of the year, I believe there are seasons to our life.  I am thinking this is the autumn of my life.  I thought 50 as great fun, but somehow when I turned 60 there was a pall of my own mortality, sneaking up on me without warning, "this is a friendly reminder that you are not going to live forever."  Kind of like the civil defense warnings we get the first Tuesday of every month.  "This is a test, had it been an actual alert, blah blah blah".  I welcome the change in weather, the change in my life, not so much.

Getting off track again...Here in the October noon-time sun, there is a breeze blowing the fallen leaves over my Birkenstock clad feet, as I watch the comings and goings of this medical community.   I love coming up here.  It feels like home.  We are all here for the same reason.  World class medical care.  There is much diversity, yet a camaraderie here that is palpable among all.  It gives me a feeling that I am being enfolded in the loving arms of this great place founded by the Brothers Mayo, and a feeling that everything will be okay and even if it turns out not to be,  a solace knowing you did all you could.

We have experienced Spring, Summer and Fall here in this Southwest Minnesotan city and are hoping that when we come back in the Winter, Sam will be cancer free.  Time has slowed here, giving me time to sort my thoughts and taste life as it has been given to me.  There is much to appreciate and yet so much to question.  I try not to look back, only forward, and make each day the best it can be.