Ghosts of Christmas Past

Dear Sam

This will be our third Christmas without you.  I miss your larger than life personality trying to make the season bright for all, especially me.  The years you would dress up as Santa Claus and visit Max and Addie every Christmas Eve.  It was even magical for me.  When the kids moved to Vegas they still flew home for the holidays and we spent Christmas morning together.  So many happy memories.

I came across a video this morning while looking through pictures from Christmas 2005.  The kids were unwrapping their presents and that was the year we wrapped each present and then put the presents in a big box and wrapped it.  They really loved that, so exciting for them.  Even though we lived in Washington state and Andy lived in Chicago and Max and Addie lived in Kalamazoo we still managed to make Christmas special and you were a big part of that.  The video focused on the kids and I wish you were in the video more, but I heard your voice and I was back there all those years ago.  Oh did I enjoy that.

Each year seems harder than the last without you.  The longer you are gone, the more I miss you.  The older I get the more I need you.  It is hard getting older, so much change, I must believe in myself as you believed in me.  That is a tall order and find myself lacking the desire most days.

On a bright note Max had his senior picture taken with the trombone you bought him and is playing songs out of your trumpet songbooks.  I am going to get a concert when I am down there for Christmas.  I know you will be there too.  Please ask our Lord to help me when I have days like this,  I look forward to the day I can be with you again.