Honor Thy Father

I spent a long time trying to come up with a title for this blog. Searching for quotes and songs about Dads and Fathers, I found there are not near as many as for Mothers. As one quote goes by an unknown author,"Fathers Day is just like Mothers Day, only we don't spend as much."

It's a fact that we usually let our Dad's do what ever they want on their day and we put our Mothers on pedestals and shower them with gifts and brunch and phone calls. I remember that all my Dad ever wanted from his kids was a visit on his special day. He was short changed due to the fact that his Birthday, June 18, usually fell on or around Fathers Day. It was easy to cover both days with one visit.

Over the years, the role of Fathers in the family has evolved. Rumor has it, my Dad never changed a diaper. Not that hard to believe. His role in the family was clear, he worked two to three jobs a day, came home, ate dinner with us (most of the time) and then wanted to be left alone. Occasionally he would help us with out homework. Over the last 20 years Fathers have been much more participatory in both child rearing and household responsibilities. They often don't get their due, because the fact is usually ignored that they are still performing their outside chores in the lawn, etc. . But let me be clear that the majority of the household/child care is still provided by Momma.

It does my heart good to see Fathers enjoying their Children's company much more these days than when I was growing up.

June 29th my Dad will be gone four years. I still miss him like crazy. Over the years we had many disagreements about how things should be done. I on how he should fit the mold created for him in my mind, and he on how I should be fiscally responsible. Very rarely do our expectations meet the reality of it all.

For those who still have their Fathers, enjoy each day with them, because they may not be around tomorrow. For those of us who have lost our Dads, know that they are with us in spirit and still letting us know (in subtle ways) the right thing to do.

The Not So Incredible Shrinking Woman Goes To The Fitness Center

So here I am, back at Mayo Clinic with my Husband. This trip we are again staying at the Kahler Grand Hotel. It's an old hotel located right in the center of the Mayo complex. When making the reservation this time, I asked the front desk if they had a fitness center. "Yes", she replied, "it's on the 11th floor." That made me happy, as I had been neglecting my workouts due to not knowing what was available.

You really have to be motivated to use this facility. First you have to use the center elevators to get to the 10th floor. Didn't they say it was on the 11th floor? Oh yes, but you take the elevators to 10 and then walk up the stairs to 11. Oooookay. If you want to use the gym before 7:00 a.m., you have to use your room key to take the elevator up. Monday morning my key didn't work so I was going up and down and finally landed in lobby where a nice desk clerk used his key to get me to the 10h floor. All this in my gym clothes. (How embarrassing).

This morning I waited until a few minutes after 7:00 a.m., meeting a guy who mentioned how hard it is to find the place. I concurred. Upon entering the gym, I noticed there were more people than usual. Where to go I wondered. Aha, over there, by the old guy on the treadmill. My slow running will not be apparent next to him. So I meandered over and set my speed at 3.3 mph and incline at 4. Ready for my 2 miles. Started out with Lady Ga-Ga Bad Romance, I was movin'. I glance over at the old man and noticed he was walking at a pretty good clip. Hmmm, 3.2 mph, okay, but I was running, he was walking, it still looked like I was going faster. Then I glanced at his incline setting. It was set at 7! The guy wasn't even breaking a sweat. He had to be 85 if he was a day. That was humbling.

As I headed back up to our room, (that has a heating and cooling system that is possessed) I was only more determined to keep up my routine. There have been no stops at the Dairy Queen for a Buster Bar Blizzard this trip and am thinking of initiating the Flat Belly Diet as soon as I can be in one place for a 32 day period. Will keep you posted on how that goes....

Sammy, What Have You Done To Yourself?

Well here it is Sunday May 23rd and I am sitting in my hotel room trying to keep myself calm. Drinking decaf coffee and planning my diet for today not to include ANY salt and if you know me at all you are aware that I hate decaf and love salt. I only brought enough blood pressure for 5 days and today is the 6th day. That said, I will try to fill you in on what Sam has been through these last few days of May.

We arrived at Mayo last Sunday night, prepared for the colonoscopy that was ordered for Monday. We thought the results would come fairly quickly but they did not. Ultimately (I think it was Thursday) the results came back and there was no cancer. BUT there was displactia which means irritated cells that could cause cancer if not watched. So guess who's having another test in 3 months and it's not me.

He went down early Tuesday morning for the procedure (5:45). Procedure is not the right word, major surgery is the correct one. He was in surgery over 6 hours. They removed his tongue tumor which was the size of a baseball, his lymph node tumor which was by then 8.5 cm, and his thyroid gland which was also cancerous. Along with all that they took out his jugular vein on his right side, a neck cord that I can't remember the name of right now and some other nerve in his neck which he will need physical therapy on so his shoulder won't droop. When he got to his room at around 7:00 p.m. I was waiting for him and he was a mess, what with the feeding tube in his nose, 2 neck drain tubes on the right side, and a trach tube. I almost fainted he was so swollen.

I get up every morning to be in his room by 6:00 a.m.. That's when all the doctors start to roll in and I can talk with them. He is getting better every day. We have learned how to feed him through the feeding tube and how to clean out his trach. I am thankful that this is all only temporary.

Well yesterday morning he got the "Have you thought about, when all this is done, what you are going to do to live a healthier life style" talk from Doctor (the big cheese) Moore. Perhaps it was an unfair question for a man who at that point could not talk, but it was a fair question, in that it has to be done. I mentioned to the docs that there was indeed a new sheriff in town and if it did not happen, I would be resigning.

Over the last 10 years I have been trying to get him to lose weight. He has succeeded but then gained it back and then some. Being overweight contributes to cancer. He has a lot of other risk factors, but he loves sweets, and sugar FEEDS cancer.

When I met Sam (at the "Y" I might add) he was 220lbs. and 6'3". He was a former football player and lifted weights on a daily basis. His arms were was big as my thighs and he had a great looking waist. Suffice it to say he was in great shape and I figured he would continue to care about his health. The man I married is in there somewhere.

If we can take anything from this, it is to care for the body that God gave you. Don't rely on pills and the medical community to fix you. Do it not only for yourself, but also the people that love and care for you.

A Mecca Of Hope

We loaded up the car and took off last Monday about 12.30 p.m. for the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN.

It took some research and a whole lot of soul searching to make the decision on where to go for a second opinion and treatment. We knew we weren't staying local as the treatment would be very disjointed, going one place for surgery and another for radiation plus we weren't really swept away by the experiences so far. All the doctors locally said they would not recommend surgery due to the fact the tumors were so large he would lose his tongue and would not be able to talk or swallow.

So here we go on a 5 1/2 hour road trip to our nirvana of sorts. As we drove across the Mississippi River in La Crosse, WI, the topography gets quite flat and the Minnesota grass lands begin. It is easy to imagine the Plains Indians wandering the prairie and hunting for their food. Nothing but farmland for as far as the eye can see.

As you get close to the Rochester exit, a city not unlike the Emerald City in the Wizard of Oz rises out of the landscape. When you enter the complex a feeling of peace comes over you, even though the clinic employs 29,000 people at this location alone. Sam and I felt as if we were the only patients there. All the patients are the number one priority of this facility.

From the moment we walked into our first appointment with the Ear, Nose and Throat surgeon, we had a sense of hope. There was none of the gloom and doom we got from the local doctor, who told Sam the surgery was not an option as the tumor on his tongue was sized so that he would lose most of his tongue, and the cancer in his lymph nodes was wrapped around his carotid artery. Dr. Moore saw no problem with removing both tumors. The tongue lesion is actually on his right tonsil. He saw no reason not to expect a full cure after surgery and radiation.

We ran into a snag when he had a PET scan and it lit up like a Christmas tree. His thyroid showed nodules so I am sitting in the waiting room waiting for his ultra sound and biopsy on his thyroid. If it is cancerous the doctor will remove it when he takes out the other tumors. (No big whoop.) His colon also had a large spot on it, so guess who's having a colonoscopy Monday? (And it's not me.) If he has colon cancer, all bets are off. The surgery would be postponed and radiation and chemo would be done, with "salvage" surgery afterward to clear out the remainders of the tumors. The prognosis is much worse in this case. So for the third Monday in a row we are praying for Sam.

I feel like we are navigating a maze, never knowing what is around the corner. I know in my heart of hearts we made the right decision coming here. Nothing will fall through the cracks here, all the care is coordinated, (the right hand knows what the left hand is doing). We have some of the best minds in medicine treating Sam. Mayo is #1 in treating tonsil and tongue cancer. Dr. Moore looked looked me in the eye, shook my hand firmly and told me, you're in the right place, and that was that.

This will not be a walk in the park for Sam. After surgery the pain will be bad, he will have a temporary tracheotomy, and a feeding tube through his nose.

So boys and girls, here is a little unsolicited advice. If you smoke, quit today. If you drink in excess, cut way back. If you use smokeless tobacco, stop it! For the most part this is a preventable cancer and it is hideous. Sam's cancer came about because his immune system was weak and he contracted a virus that most of us would fight off, but it caused cancer for him.

We will celebrate our 27th wedding anniversary on May 21st and it brings to mind our vows of "in sickness and in health, for better or worse, in good times and bad." Suffice it to say, I now know my God-given purpose in life.

Cancer Rears Its Ugy Head

"The results of the biopsy were not what we had hope for" the doctor told me as I sat with him in the physician consultation room. He was still in his scrubs with his shower cap- like head gear on, having just got the results from the pathologist after the surgery.

He explained that Sam has Squamous Cell Carcinoma, a cancer seen mostly in heavy smokers. Sam has not smoked a day in him life. I know that it is not unheard of for people to develop Lung cancer if they didn't smoke, basically anything is possible. The fact that he is on anti-rejection drugs for his transplanted kidney compromises his immune system and makes him susceptible to cancer. To say we are devastated, is an understatement.

God threw us a curve ball and we will deal with it. Here we were thinking that things were finally going better for us, and they are in some instances, and this comes along. We are not giving up, we will fight this and hopefully win. It is in an advanced stage which will make it tougher, but not impossible and besides miracles do happen.

Sam is keeping his sense of humor, stating that this will ruin his plan of becoming a porn star. "Do you want to know what my name would be?" he asked. "Buck Naked."

Profiling, Schmofiling

Ever since the State of Arizona passed their Immigration Law SB-1070, there has been a lot of outrage. Yes there is a chance that the law would be abused by the police. But from what it appears something had to be done and the laws on the books were not being enforced by the Federal Government.

Did you know that Arizona is number 2, I repeat number 2, in the World, let me say again, in the World in kidnapping for ransom. It is ground zero for smuggling drugs into the U.S. Unless you live in the State you have no idea how out of control the situation is.

I understand that there are humanitarian concerns about the children of illegals being born in the U.S. that are Legal Citizens. But if we do not secure the border, chaos will continue to reign. Mexico is ferocious in protecting their border to the south from Central Americans and I dare say they shoot first and ask questions later (if you know what I mean.)

People are incensed that they have to carry their papers and or drivers license with them at all times. To me that is just common sense. Everywhere I have lived in the country makes it mandatory you carry your license if you're driving and it is the "gold standard" aside from a passport for identification purposes.

If the ticket agent, where Mohammad Atta boarded one of the doomed airliners, had followed his gut instinct and not been afraid of profiling, well you know, 09/11 would just be my Grandson Max's birthday.

Even if this law is appealed, and it probably will be, it has drawn attention to the immigration problem along our borders to the south. Perhaps the current administration will put its reform back on the front burner (where it was promised to be a priority if elected). Either way the gauntlet has been thrown down and Washington has an obligation to respond.

Sixty And Counting

Well the big day has come and gone. I would like to be able to say that I am none the worse for wear, but that isn't true. I believe that yesterday was one of the more crappy days I've had in a while. Sixty. Who'd of thunk it? Certainly not me. Every time I glanced at my birthday cards setting on the table, the 60 would pop out at me and make me feel like hey, look at the old lady! I felt really old and really depressed. Maybe it was just the let down from all the partying on Saturday.

My cousin Mary had a wonderful dinner party for me and all my family was there to help me celebrate. The beer wagon had rolled in and of course I had a few. (Brain cells be damned.) At least no one wore black arm bands. I took a few shots from the younger generation, but in good humor for the most part. The food was delicious and a good time was had by all.

For the life of me I don't know where my philosophy went that age is only a number. It works great if you're talking about someone else. I think it's the old, I'm not going to live forever and the fact that we are celebrating it scares the hell out of me.

But it was a good excuse for all of us to get together and drink a little beer and have a lot of fun. God has been very good to me and I pray he lets me keep my sense of humor for the next twenty years or so, 'cuz if not it's going to be a real drag.